so i've always fancied myself an artist, as i've created art from a young age; but i also love music. early on in my teenage years, i decided to pursue art over music. since trying to pursue both would either result in mediocre and contrived works in both fields, or... going insane. if you are true to your mistress; be she visual or auditory, she demands all of your passion, creativity, and time. well if you're trying to make a living, or a partial living, by practicing your craft.

dilemma: i have identified as just an artist my entire life. now, recently, i have become more and more engrossed in the band i play theremin in. (it's a recent development, i kinda fell into it) like, i could get used to this [professional band lifestyle] art projects have fallen by the wayside, both collaborative and personal. some paying jobs, like tattooing, even. i don't know if i am just easily distracted by new creative outlet and the shine of live performing, or have my interests evolved as i have aged? i AM a drastically different person than i was even in college getting art degrees... have the "art" jobs doing graphic design turned me bitter towards my former love? to add another difficult angle, i'm bipolar, so i have to take that mood swing thing into account a bit...

i guess the mantra of the present is: we shall see.